Here's a suggestion...
"Here's a suggestion... GROW SOME BALLS... stop trying to please everyone else and look after #1. Think positive about yourself and good things will start happening."
This is what a chat friend of mine told me when I told her that I have a sleeping problem, and that I cannot sleep well because when I try to sleep I think of things about me and it scares me. She nailed me right to the point saying, is it about my dead end job and no love life.
I wonder how shew knew. The suggestion, she gave me is up above, as you read it. Though I wonder how can one just change things. I have tried. It doesn't work. I know I will never get the love in my life that I really want. How do I tell and cause pain and hurt the ones who love me the most. How do I tell my mother that I am gay.
In gay world, you have to realize, once you are past 21, you are considered middle aged, and at my age, I am considered OLD. With my age, and the looks that I possess, even if I think positive, only bad things happen to me. I wonder how most good looking people are so rich, so well set, have great jobs, perfect families with their pristine wives and flawless kids and spotless cars and best house in the most posh area possible, and careers that cannot be stopped from going even up higher than where they currently are?
How is it that a well educated person like me with 2 degrees, a person who is well traveled, cannot find a decent job, and has to still work in retail making merely $8.20 an hour and live with his mother? Why must my life be like this. I am not complaining, I am just wondering. Don't get me wrong. Why can't I have been like the guy who lives next door, or in the next apt, or across the streets, or a mile away, or ten miles away. They all have better life than me, and I am not exaggerating. They most definitely have a better life than me. They have friends, boyfriends, girlfirends, lovers, kids, baby drama, money, house, cars, spontaneity, extravagant lifestyles, and above all perfect body and best looks?
Why, at this age, must I be like this and SINGLE?
I am jealous. I feel hatred. I don't wish it upon them but I feel it. I don't know what to do.
1 comment:
Dude, I totally feel you. Life aint easy and sometimes you just wonder how the hell it ended up the way it did - you had plans, you had dreams, you had visions. Surely, life gotto have more to offer than this...
I'd say, read my latest post. No, not promoting my blog (ok, maybe a lil') but the topic is abt change - instead of waiting on the world to change, we should ourself become the wind of change.
Rearding being to old and single hehe well join the club. i always say that I'll just become a nun, much easier. Some are like fine wine, getting better with years, while others are like me, milk boxes that have past their expire date ;)
Wishing you all the best in your search for serenity and peace.
Cheers!
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